For
a while now, the UN has always had 16 days of activism to create awareness
among people on the dangers of Gender based violence especially against girls and women. At the end of
this year’s 16 days of activism, I remembered a conversation that I had with a
female friend and felt it’s worth sharing.
On
a rainy Monday evening I received a call from Charlotte (not real names)
requesting to see me the following day, I was surprised with the tone she spoke
in and felt a little nervous. On our meeting the conversation started with laughter telling of how
we both missed each other and
some of the funny old memories we shared. The environment setting changed upon
calling my name as she said, “Josh, I want us to date.” I got so confused
because this is a young lady who has two children and besides it didn’t seem to
add up.It
was a shock that kept me asking why “Charlotte the known beautiful slay queen,
fun and happy family she seems to have, rich loaded guy; the father of her
children”. Why wish to make a fuss of her family, I pondered and asked her
why, in deafening sobs, she told me how she was fed up of being with him. At
this point I gave her all my attention to listen to what she had to say.
She narrated, "I have an elder sister
whom I frequently visited when I was young, and spent a good time there because it seemed more
fun than where my parents stayed. My sister used to give me everything I wanted
because she had a rich husband and this kept me frequenting her home in order
to enjoy the things that my parents rarely offered. It was fun being there and
since I was so close to my sister even before her marriage, in times when we
annoyed each other making up took the shortest time possible. One day my sister,
her husband and I went for a wedding at one of the best hotels in Kampala, I
was mesmerized with everything I saw because it was the first time I went to
such a glamorous place. I ate nice food, met some new people, the wedding was colorful
and this is where my sister’s husband introduced his friend Nicholas (not real
names) to me. He was a tall light skinned handsome dude but I was not taken up
by that because I had met so many people at the party. However, Since then, Nicholas
started frequenting my sister’s home and whenever I was there, I saw him for around
three days per week. I later on got to know that Nicholas was interested in me
and I also liked him because he was a handsome guy and rich. He asked me out for a date where he proposed
to me and I joyfully accepted. By this time, I was sixteen years old in my
senior four vacation and Nicholas was thirty five years. As the saying goes,
age is just a number, I did not even think of saying no to him regardless of
the age. It was against my will but we traditionally got married however I was
surprised when he faked that I was twenty seven which got me surprised. My
sister and the husband gave it a go ahead and this is where I got to know that it was
there plan but I was super excited to move in with this man.
The
first months of marriage were so nice and fun, we used to go out and he loved
me so much until I realized that I was pregnant. Nicholas’ attitude towards me
changed drastically, he started coming home late drunk and battered me every day.
I successfully gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and he used to provide
everything for the home and our son however the beating did not stop. I persevered
and stayed with him because my culture does not acknowledge beating as a reason to divorce. When
the battering got so overwhelming I decided to just run away from Nicholas,
felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore. Unfortunately, where I sought refuge,
survival was hard and was left with no option apart from going back. When I got
back, we reconciled and he made me pregnant again, but after a while he embarked
on his habit of beating and I ended up having a miscarriage. I thought this was
the point of our final breakup, I left his home the second time and promised
myself never to go back. At this point I had no job, and still failed to
sustain my son’s well-being because he was young, I tried asking for handouts
from people and they looked at me as a burden
to them. I decided to return to Nicholas again because he would beat me but
provide what could sustain me even if it
wasn’t too much. A few months of return, I got my third pregnancy nevertheless
I had a successful delivery and this time it was a baby girl. Nicholas did not
stop beating me, even when I had grown up from the sixteen year old that he got
married to. At this point I really decided to leave and may be get another man
that is why I am asking us to date josh, I realized money is not everything.
You are a good friend and the way you have always cared about me I believe you
can be a good father to my kids. Maybe that’s the way I will feel secure and
not go back to Nicholas, I am really tired."
After
hearing all this, I felt sorry and bad at the same time but kept on wondering
because Charlotte looks so gorgeous, and was financially stable thinking that
she was on cloud nine. I imagined the
kind of life she was going through, about me and her dating will be a story of
another day but I wrote this article to let the world know what girls and women
are going through, they are tortured but have
no way of reporting because they are not empowered. In the 21st
century she got married as a teenager and went through domestic violence every
day and the best thing she could do was running away and returning because she
had no child support. This kept me asking WHO IS TO BLAME for her violence.
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